A BIBLICAL OVERVIEW

In the Bible we find many examples of individuals and groups of individuals who have experienced significant losses. Their grief and sorrow are recorded in the Bible. In fact, the Bible is amazingly practical as it shares numerous examples and guidelines on how to grieve. Richard Winter contends, “many of the basic principles of grief therapy as spelled out in modern psychological and clinical research are already present in scripture.”

In the Bible there are many places where people were moved to tears in their grief. Tears should not be considered wrong or bad or a sign of weakness. Instead they are the way God has made for us to express our sad (and sometimes happy) emotions.

When Abraham lost his wife, he mourned and wept for her: “So Sarah died in Kirjath Arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her” (Gen 23:2 NIV). Scripture also recorded when the Israelites wept over Moses: “And the children of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days. So the days of weeping and mourning for Moses ended” (Deut 34:8 KJV). When Jacob died Joseph “fell on his father's face, and wept over him, and kissed him” (Gen 50:1 KJV). Joseph openly and privately wept over his brothers (Gen 42-50). And Gen 50:10 says that the family and friends of Jacob “lamented loudly and bitterly” (NKJV).

And there is a whole book of the Bible that is devoted to weeping. Lamentations is one long grief dirge with Jerusalem described as a sorrowing widow (Lam 1:1) who is experiencing intense pain, even questioning God and feeling totally abandoned.

In 1 Sam 1:15 Hannah is in grief over her infertility when she says, “I am a woman of sorrowful spirit” (NKJV). King David devotes two whole chapters to grieving over his failures and sins (Pss 32 and 51). In Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son, the father grieved over his prodigal son (Luke 15:24).

There are many Psalms that speak very frankly about the reality of grief: “My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes” (Ps 6:7 NIV); “How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” (Ps 13:2 NIV); “Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief” (Ps 31:9 NIV); “The length of our days is seventy years--or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away” (Ps 90:10 NIV); “Then their numbers decreased, and they were humbled by oppression, calamity and sorrow” (Ps 107:39 NIV); “The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow” (Ps 166:3 NIV).

The inclusion of these texts in the Bible reveals that God does not condemn our grief and sadness but understands that it is a normal part of the human experience. The use of sacred poetry or prose such as this can give understanding and hope to people of all religious persuasions and help them to healthfully express their grief.

Paul, commenting on almost losing his friend Epaphroditis, after acknowledging God’s goodness for bringing healing, said, “lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow” (Phil 2:27 KJV). He goes on to give counsel regarding Christians and grief. He acknowledges the normalcy of grief and does not suggest that Christians should hold a stiff upper lip and avoid the pain associated with loss. Rather, Christians are reminded that while we grieve, we do not have to grieve as “those who have no hope” (1 Thess 4:13 NIV). We know a better day is coming, a resurrection day (vss. 16,17; John 5:28,29; 11:23, 24). But until then, we will endure the pain of separation, “the sting of death” (1 Cor 15:56) until that “last trumpet” (vs. 52; 1 Thess 4:16). We are even encouraged to “comfort one another with these words” (1 Thess 4:17 NIV). Jesus himself chose to comfort to Martha with the words, “thy brother will rise again” (John 11:23 KJV).

There are those Christians who have the mistaken idea that it is inappropriate or a demonstration of weak faith to be sorrowful and express feelings of hurt. This is not biblically supported. Solomon in Ecclesiastes bluntly reminds us that in this life we will face the reality of death. There is “a time to be born, and a time to die . . . a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance” (Eccl 3:2-4 KJV). Christians are not to live in a fantasy world.

Christians should not be expected to suppress their grief over the loss of their loved ones. The consequence of their faith is that they “do not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thess 4:13 NIV). In other words, the Christian's response to bereavement includes both grief and hope.

Until recently, very little scientific research on whether spiritual or religious beliefs alter the process of grief has been carried out. However, a study completed in 2002 and reported in the British Medical Journal found that people who profess stronger spiritual beliefs seem to resolve their grief more rapidly and completely after the death of a close person than do people with no spiritual beliefs. The authors of this study concluded that spiritual beliefs might provide an existential framework in which grief is resolved more readily. Most spiritual beliefs, whether or not associated with religious practice, contain tenets about the course of human life and existence beyond it.

Oftentimes when significant loss occurs, the bereaved persons feel that their faith has been shaken or even shattered. Religious or spiritual people may find themselves questioning their entire belief structure and doubting all that has been the foundation of their past life. This would be a normal consequence of grief.
A significant aspect of the grief support process is the freedom to express feelings. According to Robb Nigel, “mourning in the biblical tradition is very clearly something to be acknowledged and valued as religiously appropriate and psychologically effective.”

Granger Westberg in his classic book on the grief process says: "There are those who think that a person with strong faith does not grieve. He should be “above this sort of thing.” And there is the belief that a strong faith and stoicism go hand in hand. Some people have even used the two words of scripture, “Grieve not” as a basis for this understanding. They, of course forget to quote the rest of the verse which goes on to say 'as those who have no hope.'”

Derek Nuttal agrees with Westbeg and Nigel when he says “having a religious belief will not necessarily reduce the pain of loss nor remove the need to work through the stages of grief. Such belief, however is an aid to grieving.” In bereavement we need to know we are not alone, that our pain is understood and in some way shared. Nuttal says “at the heart of Christianity is faith in a God who through his son has shown he loves us and shares in what we experience and through the cross suffers with us.”

A passage in Paul’s second letter to the Christians in Corinth says it well: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2 Cor 1:3-4 KJV)

To say that a person who is deeply religious will not face grief situations is unrealistic and emotionally unhealthy. Jesus, our example, modeled for us an appropriate response to loss: “Jesus wept” (John 11:35 KJV).

Chen furthers this thought when he says “grief appears to have a transcendent function and can in the end enhance spiritual growth of bereaved people as it awakens them to existential and spiritual essence of life.”

A belief in the afterlife and a future resurrection has been found to be important ingredients in a good adjustment to bereavement. Where we go wrong sometimes as Christians is we use the hope of the life to come to mask our present feelings of pain, which must have expression. Not continuous expression as if we had no hope, but feelings that we have must be expressed in order to get past them through to healing.

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By Michael Lombardo, D.Min.

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